


Back to Breathing

by inksheddings



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:18:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inksheddings/pseuds/inksheddings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whether they win or lose, they're alive now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to Breathing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [genkisakka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/genkisakka/gifts).



> Written as part of the valentine_smut challenge at LiveJournal. Beta'd by the fabulous whymzycal.

Goku has never really given much thought to how much he needs Sanzo in his life, how there's practically nothing he wouldn't do for him, but he recognizes that it's always been there — the need to please Sanzo and make him happy. It just is. Maybe even since before Sanzo found him in the cave. Goku had been waiting, after all.

But this ...

Sanzo shifts underneath him, tightening his legs around Goku's waist, and it's all Goku can do not to immediately pick up his pace and thrust harder. He wants this to last. He's always afraid that this will be the last time Sanzo pushes him down on a bed, on a floor, on the dirt — Goku isn't sure he'd survive a last time.

This time they have the luxury of an abandoned house, miles past an abandoned village. The mattress is bare but surprisingly firm. It had been covered thickly in dust and debris, and Goku had flipped it over rather than try to clean it off. Underneath, however, it smelled damp and musty and who-knows-what-else, but it was still better than the gritty feel of dirt and rocks under his back.

Sanzo grunts harshly as he thrusts up, making Goku's cock slip inside as deep as it can go. Sanzo never utters a word during sex, but he's never quiet, either. He grunts, moans, whimpers, and even slaps Goku's ass loudly when Goku tries to slow down the pace. Like now. It doesn't really hurt, doesn't feel like an admonishment, and Goku can even admit that the sting of Sanzo's hand would turn him on if he was sure that it was a demonstration of how badly Sanzo wants him, instead of how badly Sanzo wants him to get on with it, get it over with. Goku's just not sure, and the closer they get to Gyumaoh's castle — about another week now, if Hakkai's map, Gojyo's increasingly frequent bad jokes, and the ever-present goosebumps on Goku's flesh are any indication — the more often Sanzo has been demanding Goku's attention. Like maybe Sanzo is anticipating its end. Or their end, considering what they soon will face.

Sanzo smacks him again, hard enough that it'll probably leave a mark for a few hours after they're finished, but Goku just can't speed up. He doesn't want to, and if Sanzo's newfound urgency has anything to do with likely death — then, well, two can play at that game.

Goku pulls out as slowly as he possibly can, until he's just barely inside. He adjusts his knees on the mattress so that he can better support his own weight as he moves his hands from Sanzo's thighs to his hips, effectively holding him in place so that he can't thrust up and force Goku's cock back inside his body. Not that Sanzo doesn't try, and try hard. But he can't do it, and for the first time since all this started months and months ago, Goku breathes. He breathes deeply and relaxes, pushing into Sanzo as slowly as he damn well pleases.

Sanzo is pissed. Goku doesn't need to hear him curse and shout to know that. He's glaring up at Goku with an intensity that should frighten him, but only makes Goku more determined to see this through, to do this his way for a change. If they're all gonna die anyway ...

Goku pulls out, just as slowly, and groans at the pleasure of it. Sanzo's so tight, so warm, and it is so much easier for Goku to appreciate the feel of him, now that he's not pounding into him with Sanzo's borrowed desperation.

Sanzo has given up on smacking Goku's ass and is now trying to remove the grip on his hips. Goku bites his lip to keep from smiling because Sanzo is well aware that he could never break Goku's hold, not physically anyway. Mentally, emotionally ... well, that's another matter entirely that Goku can't bring himself to wonder about right now, not while he has Sanzo almost where he wants him.

Almost, because Goku wants to kiss Sanzo, wants to coax open his mouth with sweeps of his tongue and taste the remains of cigarettes and beer. He's not sure that Sanzo wouldn't bite his tongue right off, though, so Goku bides his time with other sensations: Sanzo's ass clamped around his cock; Sanzo's fingers pulling and clawing at Goku's own; the heat emanating from Sanzo's skin, warming Goku both inside and out.

“God damn it, Goku!”

Goku's hips stutter to a stop, the shock of Sanzo's words so great. His cock doesn't seem to mind, though, but grows even harder at the grizzly tones. So this is what it takes to make Sanzo talk?

Goku takes a shuddering breath and pushes back in, just as slowly. As he bottoms out, however, he thrusts in hard, brutally.

“Fuck!” Sanzo yells, and Goku nearly comes right then and there.

Goku keeps up his slow and steady pace, now and then giving Sanzo that hard snap of hips that has them both shuddering with pleasure. Because Goku doesn't do it on every thrust, Sanzo can't help but cry out when it does happen, his words a mix of anger and need.

“Shit! Come on, Goku. You stupid, miserable ...”

Goku has to admit that, whether Sanzo realizes it or not, the added encouragement of Sanzo's words is making it damn hard for Goku to keep up his slow pace. But keep it up he does, if only because he wonders if his boldness will mean the end of nights like this. Goku has to have this just once. Please, if never again then just this once.

“I'll fucking kill you if you don't _move.”_

Goku stops. Buried to the hilt inside Sanzo, Goku simply stops.

“What the fuck do you think you're — ”

Goku leans down, forcing Sanzo to release the hold his legs have on Goku's waist, until they are stomach to stomach and chest to chest. Sanzo's cock twitches where it lies trapped between their bellies. Goku buries his face in Sanzo's neck and holds his wrists above his head. It's awkward, but even though Sanzo tries to get free by bucking up and kicking, it doesn't work. Goku is still buried deeply, and no amount of threatening words or physical thrashing is going to loosen his hold. Goku simply lies there, on top of Sanzo, dead weight that slips that much deeper inside the more Sanzo struggles.

Goku may still be afraid to kiss Sanzo's lips, but the soft and sweaty skin of his neck is right there and too much of a temptation. Goku kisses him there, just lips at first and then a second time with a gentle swipe of his tongue. He can't hold back a moan when he actually can taste cigarettes and beer from the wide-open pores.

Sanzo goes still, stops struggling, though Goku can feel how rapidly his heart is beating. Goku kisses him again, licks him again, and as Sanzo's body relaxes beneath his own, he feels his cock go impossibly deep. Goku wonders if he's imagining that, though, because he doesn't see how it's possible to feel as though the depths he could reach are endless. But that's how it feels.

“Goku.”

Sanzo's voice is shaky, uncertain, and while not such a turn-on, it pierces Goku's heart in such a way that he decides to risk it and leans up just enough to place a kiss — soft and gentle but lingering — on Sanzo's lips. Sanzo doesn't kiss back, but he pulls slightly against Goku's hold on his wrists. It's a question, not a demand, so Goku answers by letting go as he kisses him again. Sanzo's hands are on his face, then his shoulders, then his back. They slide all the way down his body until they're spreading across Goku's ass. Sanzo grabs hold and pulls as he opens his mouth against Goku's kiss and pushes his tongue inside.

Goku comes inside him, the taste of Sanzo driving him over the edge and, god help him, he never wants to come back from this. He wants to stay inside Sanzo forever, and to hell with Gyumaoh and Ukoku and the end of a journey that has fucked them all over in more ways than they deserve.

But come back he does.

Goku's face is once again buried against Sanzo's neck and his cock is still buried inside Sanzo's body, though he can feel himself softening and nearly ready to slip out. Goku also feels wetness against his belly, and he knows that Sanzo came as well, and the relief that sweeps through him makes him whimper. It's then that he realizes that Sanzo is running his hands all up and down Goku's back, as if to comfort, though Goku knows that's not right, couldn't possibly be right.

They are one week away from Gyumaoh's castle. One week away from death or — victory doesn't seem like the right word. Whether they win or lose, they're alive now. Every time they've hurt themselves, hurt each other, laughed, cried, and held each other up, they've lived.

Sanzo rolls Goku over and buries his own face against Goku's neck, and the mimicry of this action is nearly enough to get Goku hard all over again. With his own hands now running up and down Sanzo's back, Goku can't help but believe that whatever happens, it will be okay, it will be all right, because they've lived.

 

 **end**


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